Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
