I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
