is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
