just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
