lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
