hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
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