I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
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