I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
