They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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