I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
