The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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