Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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