oh god the rape fog is back!
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
