so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
