Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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