I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
