By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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