im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
