Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
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