We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
