PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
