thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
