new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
