Whatcha textin bout Willis?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Randomize
