It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Randomize
