he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
