her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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