I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
