I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
