i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
