I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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