so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
