i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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