We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
