im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
