I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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