so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
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