come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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