Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
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