Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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