I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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