I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
