i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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