ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
