i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
