1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Houston, we have a blender
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
