Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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