He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
