Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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