Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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