we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
When are your genitals available?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
