I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I AM VODKA MAN
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
