I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
