the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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