I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
