I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
