u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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