wanna go halves on a baby?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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