btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
