Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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