Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize