I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
