i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
should my penis look like a turkey
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
