OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
