I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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