my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
