Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
