Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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