haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
