i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
