I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
