just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
