thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Randomize
