There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
