The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
