I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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