I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
